In this episode, The Missing LiNK caught up with world famous Tootsie Pop pitchman, Mr. Owl. To set the mood, let's look back at the performance that made Mr. Owl famous.
Since this soul-bearing take on the role of "tortured genius," Mr. Owl has seen his share of ups and downs.
TML: So, Mr. Owl, how many years has it been since "How Many Licks?" debuted?
MO: The spot first aired in 1970. I remember because I used my paycheck to become a minority owner in Studio 54.
TML: Um, Studio 54 didn't open until 1977.
MO: Did I say Studio 54? Sorry, I meant to say heroine and gimp hookers.
TML: Easy mistake. And the commercial still airs today, right?
MO: Not often, but it does pop up now and then. Mostly on kid's shows like SpongeBob, Hey Gabba Gabba or Soul Train.
TML: You disappeared for a while after the commercial made you a star. What happened?
MO: Well, sometimes the public has a hard time distinguishing the actor from the role. Apparently, America thought I was a bit of an asshole for stealing the kid's lollipop and they took it out on me in real life.
TML: Really? I always felt the scene between you and the kid was kind of touching.
MO: Touching? I never touched him. Why? What did he tell you? I always entertain co-stars in my trailer wearing ass-less chaps. Nothing happened!
TML: Okay. Back on topic. The public shunned you, so you kept a low profile. After enough time passed, did you try to get back in the game?
MO: Yeah, I tried. I waited until the eighties and got an agent who sent me out for dozens of roles. But every part I was up for consistently went to Michael J. Fox. That Canadian prick. I hope he gets a disease.
TML: Um, ever heard of Parkinson's?
MO: The Price is Right chick?
TML: Moving on.
TML: Martin and Lewis. Abbott and Costello. William Shatner and his toupee. Few Hollywood co-stars have ever clicked as instantly or as well as you and Mr. Turtle.
MO: It's true. Turtle was a pro's pro. Trained at the Royal Shakespearean Theater Company, graduate of the Actor's Studio. He was just so talented and easy to work with, you almost forgot that he was a flat, black and white, poorly animated reptile. I miss him dearly.
TML: What do you think of today's modern corporate pitchmen?
MO: I'm not impressed. They're no better than I was in my day, but they get tons of glory. The Geiko Gecko. The Aflac Duck. They are just cheap retreads of me and my generation, yet kids love them and they have toys and stuffed animals in their image. And don't even get me started about the sad state of animated pitchmen.
TML: You mean like Erin E-surance?
MO: Exactly. What a nobody, but she's got a national campaign going. Still, she is pretty hot. That's one piece of toon poon I'd like to tap.
TML: Please, Mr. Owl, some of our readers are children.
MO: Bullshit. You have no readers. It's a fucking blog no one knows about.
TML: That hurts.
MO: Toughen up, pansy.
TML: Mr. Owl, thanks for your time.
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