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8 months ago
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Friday, January 30, 2009
My Super Bowl boxes
So I got some of my numbers for this year's Big Game.
HAPPY ABOUT:
Steelers 7, Cardinals 3
UNSURE ABOUT:
Steelers 3, Cardinals 2
UNHAPPY ABOUT:
Steelers 9, Cardinals pi
Fuck you, Archimedes!
HAPPY ABOUT:
Steelers 7, Cardinals 3
UNSURE ABOUT:
Steelers 3, Cardinals 2
UNHAPPY ABOUT:
Steelers 9, Cardinals pi
Fuck you, Archimedes!
You got your Wheel in my Shenanigans!
So, what happens when you mix one recurring blog column that no one reads with another recurring blog column that no one reads? You get a cool-ass Siamese combo of the two into one write-up that no one will freaking read. Sweet!
The Wheel of Reviews lands on advertising this time, while we simultaneously call Shenanigans on Pizza Hut. Now let me start by saying I kind of like Pizza Hut, but I only eat it about once every two or three years in an effort to not die. To me, the defining characteristic of Pizza Hut is that it's pizza, but not really. It's their take on pizza. It's not like anything you'd find at the 56 places that all claim to be the one and only Original Rays in NY. It's closer to Pizzeria UNO, though UNOs is universally considered the more like eating Patrick Ewing's jock after triple overtime.
And now the latest ads in the current Pizza Hut campaign feature hidden cameras capturing people loving restaurant lasagna, only to find out it's really from Pizza Hut. Hmmm...my shenanigan-sense is tingling. Oh, and these impressed patrons are IN ROME, ITALY! Ummm, no. Not buying it. I smell bullshit (though it's possible that bullshit is one of the ingredients. I haven't made lasagna in a while.)
First off, I can't get my mind around people oohing and ahhing over Pizza Hut lasagna in the company's own corporate cafeteria, much less in Italy. And I wouldn't know how to say "this is the best mass-produced processed food-like substance ever!" in Italian.
Second, I have a hard time with the guy who says "it taste just like my mothers!" I believe they edited out the part where he later mentions that his mother has one eye, a gaping head wound and dementia bad enough to make her think she's Ernest Borgnine. Oh, and she's from Philly.
And lastly, the thing that just seems completely bogus is the rousing applause when they are told the food is really from Pizza Hut. Pizza Hut doesn't exist in Italy, so why are people so impressed? They don't even know what it means. Seriously, no one in the history of humans on this planet has ever emphatically applauded Pizza Hut. They could discover that Pizza Hut cures cancer and it would still only get applause equal to the arrival of Sanjaya Malakar at a car wash opening.
It all seems fishy to me. (Again, that could the ingredients. There's mackerel in lasagna, right?) So, I officially say to you Pizza Hut..."Shenanigans!"
NOTE: Pizza Hut has even shared a 'behind the scenes' look at making the commercial. As if they knew we'd all question it. Take a look...
The Wheel of Reviews lands on advertising this time, while we simultaneously call Shenanigans on Pizza Hut. Now let me start by saying I kind of like Pizza Hut, but I only eat it about once every two or three years in an effort to not die. To me, the defining characteristic of Pizza Hut is that it's pizza, but not really. It's their take on pizza. It's not like anything you'd find at the 56 places that all claim to be the one and only Original Rays in NY. It's closer to Pizzeria UNO, though UNOs is universally considered the more like eating Patrick Ewing's jock after triple overtime.
And now the latest ads in the current Pizza Hut campaign feature hidden cameras capturing people loving restaurant lasagna, only to find out it's really from Pizza Hut. Hmmm...my shenanigan-sense is tingling. Oh, and these impressed patrons are IN ROME, ITALY! Ummm, no. Not buying it. I smell bullshit (though it's possible that bullshit is one of the ingredients. I haven't made lasagna in a while.)
First off, I can't get my mind around people oohing and ahhing over Pizza Hut lasagna in the company's own corporate cafeteria, much less in Italy. And I wouldn't know how to say "this is the best mass-produced processed food-like substance ever!" in Italian.
Second, I have a hard time with the guy who says "it taste just like my mothers!" I believe they edited out the part where he later mentions that his mother has one eye, a gaping head wound and dementia bad enough to make her think she's Ernest Borgnine. Oh, and she's from Philly.
And lastly, the thing that just seems completely bogus is the rousing applause when they are told the food is really from Pizza Hut. Pizza Hut doesn't exist in Italy, so why are people so impressed? They don't even know what it means. Seriously, no one in the history of humans on this planet has ever emphatically applauded Pizza Hut. They could discover that Pizza Hut cures cancer and it would still only get applause equal to the arrival of Sanjaya Malakar at a car wash opening.
It all seems fishy to me. (Again, that could the ingredients. There's mackerel in lasagna, right?) So, I officially say to you Pizza Hut..."Shenanigans!"
NOTE: Pizza Hut has even shared a 'behind the scenes' look at making the commercial. As if they knew we'd all question it. Take a look...
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Where Are They Now: Mr. Owl
As part of an ongoing series, The Missing LiNK looks back on the stars of yesteryear to answer the question no one else (except VH1, E!, Biography, A&E, etc. etc.) can answer: Where are they now?
In this episode, The Missing LiNK caught up with world famous Tootsie Pop pitchman, Mr. Owl. To set the mood, let's look back at the performance that made Mr. Owl famous.
Since this soul-bearing take on the role of "tortured genius," Mr. Owl has seen his share of ups and downs.
TML: So, Mr. Owl, how many years has it been since "How Many Licks?" debuted?
MO: The spot first aired in 1970. I remember because I used my paycheck to become a minority owner in Studio 54.
TML: Um, Studio 54 didn't open until 1977.
MO: Did I say Studio 54? Sorry, I meant to say heroine and gimp hookers.
TML: Easy mistake. And the commercial still airs today, right?
MO: Not often, but it does pop up now and then. Mostly on kid's shows like SpongeBob, Hey Gabba Gabba or Soul Train.
TML: You disappeared for a while after the commercial made you a star. What happened?
MO: Well, sometimes the public has a hard time distinguishing the actor from the role. Apparently, America thought I was a bit of an asshole for stealing the kid's lollipop and they took it out on me in real life.
TML: Really? I always felt the scene between you and the kid was kind of touching.
MO: Touching? I never touched him. Why? What did he tell you? I always entertain co-stars in my trailer wearing ass-less chaps. Nothing happened!
TML: Okay. Back on topic. The public shunned you, so you kept a low profile. After enough time passed, did you try to get back in the game?
MO: Yeah, I tried. I waited until the eighties and got an agent who sent me out for dozens of roles. But every part I was up for consistently went to Michael J. Fox. That Canadian prick. I hope he gets a disease.
TML: Um, ever heard of Parkinson's?
MO: The Price is Right chick?
TML: Moving on.
TML: Martin and Lewis. Abbott and Costello. William Shatner and his toupee. Few Hollywood co-stars have ever clicked as instantly or as well as you and Mr. Turtle.
MO: It's true. Turtle was a pro's pro. Trained at the Royal Shakespearean Theater Company, graduate of the Actor's Studio. He was just so talented and easy to work with, you almost forgot that he was a flat, black and white, poorly animated reptile. I miss him dearly.
TML: What do you think of today's modern corporate pitchmen?
MO: I'm not impressed. They're no better than I was in my day, but they get tons of glory. The Geiko Gecko. The Aflac Duck. They are just cheap retreads of me and my generation, yet kids love them and they have toys and stuffed animals in their image. And don't even get me started about the sad state of animated pitchmen.
TML: You mean like Erin E-surance?
MO: Exactly. What a nobody, but she's got a national campaign going. Still, she is pretty hot. That's one piece of toon poon I'd like to tap.
TML: Please, Mr. Owl, some of our readers are children.
MO: Bullshit. You have no readers. It's a fucking blog no one knows about.
TML: That hurts.
MO: Toughen up, pansy.
TML: Mr. Owl, thanks for your time.
In this episode, The Missing LiNK caught up with world famous Tootsie Pop pitchman, Mr. Owl. To set the mood, let's look back at the performance that made Mr. Owl famous.
Since this soul-bearing take on the role of "tortured genius," Mr. Owl has seen his share of ups and downs.
TML: So, Mr. Owl, how many years has it been since "How Many Licks?" debuted?
MO: The spot first aired in 1970. I remember because I used my paycheck to become a minority owner in Studio 54.
TML: Um, Studio 54 didn't open until 1977.
MO: Did I say Studio 54? Sorry, I meant to say heroine and gimp hookers.
TML: Easy mistake. And the commercial still airs today, right?
MO: Not often, but it does pop up now and then. Mostly on kid's shows like SpongeBob, Hey Gabba Gabba or Soul Train.
TML: You disappeared for a while after the commercial made you a star. What happened?
MO: Well, sometimes the public has a hard time distinguishing the actor from the role. Apparently, America thought I was a bit of an asshole for stealing the kid's lollipop and they took it out on me in real life.
TML: Really? I always felt the scene between you and the kid was kind of touching.
MO: Touching? I never touched him. Why? What did he tell you? I always entertain co-stars in my trailer wearing ass-less chaps. Nothing happened!
TML: Okay. Back on topic. The public shunned you, so you kept a low profile. After enough time passed, did you try to get back in the game?
MO: Yeah, I tried. I waited until the eighties and got an agent who sent me out for dozens of roles. But every part I was up for consistently went to Michael J. Fox. That Canadian prick. I hope he gets a disease.
TML: Um, ever heard of Parkinson's?
MO: The Price is Right chick?
TML: Moving on.
TML: Martin and Lewis. Abbott and Costello. William Shatner and his toupee. Few Hollywood co-stars have ever clicked as instantly or as well as you and Mr. Turtle.
MO: It's true. Turtle was a pro's pro. Trained at the Royal Shakespearean Theater Company, graduate of the Actor's Studio. He was just so talented and easy to work with, you almost forgot that he was a flat, black and white, poorly animated reptile. I miss him dearly.
TML: What do you think of today's modern corporate pitchmen?
MO: I'm not impressed. They're no better than I was in my day, but they get tons of glory. The Geiko Gecko. The Aflac Duck. They are just cheap retreads of me and my generation, yet kids love them and they have toys and stuffed animals in their image. And don't even get me started about the sad state of animated pitchmen.
TML: You mean like Erin E-surance?
MO: Exactly. What a nobody, but she's got a national campaign going. Still, she is pretty hot. That's one piece of toon poon I'd like to tap.
TML: Please, Mr. Owl, some of our readers are children.
MO: Bullshit. You have no readers. It's a fucking blog no one knows about.
TML: That hurts.
MO: Toughen up, pansy.
TML: Mr. Owl, thanks for your time.
Monday, January 26, 2009
Romo or Roma?
Tony Romo is the Dallas QB. Tony Roma's is the world famous "Place for Ribs." Apparently, Jess has been seeing plenty of both.
For more images of the transformation from babe to "Babe," click here. That'll do, Jess. That'll do.
For more images of the transformation from babe to "Babe," click here. That'll do, Jess. That'll do.
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